Once again
by Lavandyss
Summary: Byakuya x Renji. when Renji is missing, only memories remain


The paintbrush fell with a dry sound on the low table. Impossible. He had found it impossible for him to concentrate on the mountain of paperwork that made him almost dizzy.

With a mechanical movement, Byakuya pushed back some strands of hair that blocked his view and let loose a light sigh, that seemed to pause, immobile, in the air for an instant. He rose and headed towards the window. Night had finished falling with a strange glimmer. The snow that lay on the ground reflected the last rays of sunlight and covered everything that it touched with a soft blanket, like a warm protection against the winter that was beginning to set in.

With a slight shiver, Byakuya turned and advanced towards the hearth, where the last few red ashes still glowed faintly. He spread his hands out in front of the hearth and the warmth slowly advanced to embrace his fingers, twirling languorously around his wrists, to gradually rise up to his elbows. Another shiver travelled up his body, and with an almost possessive gesture, he closed his arms around his body, as though to capture it, and the sentiment of well-being that emitted from the flames, as though to grab hold of him, made a memory resurface brusquely.

With lassitude, he fell on the couch, facing the hearth with an almost childish attitude, he embraced his knees with his arms and rest his head on them. It was an action that corresponded little with the noble image of the Kuchiki clan's heir. But, inside the intimacy of his quarters, he cared little. This was the only place in which he could be himself. These was the only place in which he could forget about what people expected of him, and do what he wanted. It was the only place where he could cry about what he had lost.

_  
Summer was decidedly far from being the season that he liked the most. It was too hot, there was too much agitation, and there was too much noise. Byakuya furrowed his eyebrows for the thousandth time and got ready to rise to reprimand a few undisciplined shinigamis when the door opened brusquely._

_"Taichou!"_

_Byakuya rightfully let out of movement of exasperation at the arrival of the brute known as his lieutenant._

_"What's wrong, Renji?"  
"Ah... euh… Taichou, I was asking myself if… That is… Since it's nice out and it's been a long time… I mean, I wanted to…"_

_"Renji."_

_"Uh, right. Taichou, would you like to train with me?"_

_The captain of the 6th division raised his eyebrows. With the arrival of the hot season, Renji had been the farthest from the most energetic of his subordinate. And evidently, he was the hardest to avoid. Byakuya was ready to send him an evocative stare when something held him back; taking note of the ambient agitation emitting from the other, Byakuya concluded rapidly that Renji had not managed to obtain the calm that he'd been aspiring for so ardently._

_This experience would reveal itself to be more than useful to obtain Renji's "goal". Encouraged by the joy to be able to show his captain up once again, Renji quickly called on his Bankai. And Byakuya had to admit to himself that Renji had improved greatly, to the point that he was forced to eventually call on Senbonzakura at her final stage. And when they finally lowered their swords, the sun had disappeared behind the far hills of Rukongai._

_At Renji's demand, their training proved to be almost a ritual. Byakuya had surprised himself when he decided to accept his lieutenant's offers to continue their combats. And what shocked him even more was that he waited and looked forward to Renji's interruption in his office every day to pull him away from his administrative tasks.  
_

_And that day, Renji had made an entrance that was even more deafenaing than usual. But instead of heading toward the trianing area that they'd occupied already for several weeks, he led his captain toward Rukongai. And even if the change of program had surprised him, Byakuya didn't try to protest.__  
_

_They walked during the entire afternoon, stopping at the border of a river, at the foot of a tree, at the corner of the road. And Renji always spoke in a low voice about his childhood, of memories of precious moments where he had been happy just as a child, before they had to start running away, stealing and surviving._

_Their promenade led them to the foot of a small slope that they escaladed slowly. And all while __walking, Renji bent over at a regular interval to rip out a small flower from the grass. When they reached the summit, Rukongai unfolded under their gaze and feet, bathed in the hot light from a sunset._

_They rest for a moment in silence and stillness. Then, Renji turned toward his captain. And with a timid, tender gesture, he bent over to place a gentle kiss on the alabaster cheek, just caressing the corner of Byakuya's lips. Then, without leaving any time to react, he backed up a step and placed the small bouquet he'd gathered on the ground._

_"I… love you, Taichou. I just wanted you to know."_

_And without another look, he turned around to descend the side of the hill._

_Byakuya had stopped thinking the moment his lieutenant had leaned towards him. And he stared at the retreating figure without really understanding what had just happened. And he didn't understand what made him move, but when he caught Renji's hand to pull him back, he knew that this was the warmth that he was looking for._

_When his lips pressed against the other's, with the same tenderness, he was lost, forgetting who he was, what represented. He raised a hand to free the mass of red hair and slid his fingers into the strands. Everyone compared Renji's red mane to the vivid flame of his energy, but for Byakuya, at this moment, the colour and softness was the same as that of a bed of maple leaves, covering a path on a sweet, languorous autumn day._

_A noise in the distance made Byakuya back up suddenly. He regretted the brutality of his action immediately when he saw an expression of uncertainty paint itself on Renji's face. Byakuya hesitated, not liking the current situation. But, everything had been going a bit too quickly for his taste, and he needed to take some time to think._

_"Renji…"_

_"Taichou?"_

_"Come find me at my manor in an hour."_

_And without even waiting for an answer, the captain of the 6th division turned his back and left._

_The moment he passed through the entrance of the Kuchiki house, the moment that he took a step into its somber hallways, the moment that he opened the doors on the immense empty space… he knew that he'd made his decision._

_When Renji's arrival was announced, he was almost nervous. He sent back his messenger, assigning an urgent job to finish for the 6th division. But the moment that the doors closed, with a rapid and sure action that only several years of practice had permitted him to master, he took off the Kenseikan that proclaimed his rank._

_Tonight, he would forget who he is._

_He advanced slowly and caressed his lieutenant's cheek with fine fingers. Renji closed his eyes for an instant and wasn't able to do anything, fearful that he would make Byakuya shrink away once again. But the breath that embraced his skin softly became irresistible within an instant. Renji opened his eyes slowly and froze at the sight of his captain. Never, had he expected to see such an expression on his captain's stoic face. The expectation, the desire, the fear, the need… He didn't know anymore. There were too many expressions, and too few words to describe them._

_Leaving aside all hesitation, he threw himself keenly onto the mid-open lips that waited for his own. He was pressed against this ordinary body that was so powerful, but tonight, he was afraid of breaking it._

_Byakuya didn't know exactly how he'd ended up spread out on his bed rid of all obstacles that prevented direct contact with Renji's body. He only remembered when his nails had left pink trails on the back of the younger man that, under the intimacy of their exchange, he had believed to disappear under the burning touch of his eager mouth to the moment where he screamed his lover's name a last time and there was nothing left in the world except the fusion of both bodies._

_And before the sun was able to rise, Renji had left._

_The order of a mission had already been sent since a long time before, and Byakuya knew that the chances of Renji returning quickly were low. Renji would've wanted Byakuya to be there when he left through the gate, but did a captain really need to accompany his lieutenant? Did a Kuchiki have the right to show the smallest bit of interest for someone who wasn't his own rank?_

_Byakluya had let Renji leave without a word.  
_

…

He'd received no news. No good news or bad news. Nothing. It was a deathly silence that, for once, scared him.

Byakuya pulled his knees to his chest and held back a shiver. He was convinced that Renji would never return. He had stopped jumping every time someone knocked on his door. He had stopped ripping away each notice that he received brusquely. He had stopped seeing the flamboyant mane at every turn, without stopping his search for it in his dreams.

And when someone knocked on his door that night, he rose with ease, ready to reprimand whoever had come to disturb his solitude.

But no word left his lips.

He wouldn't run away. Years of practicing an impeccable guarded expression was probably what stopped him

He reached the end of the somber hallway and finally stopped. With a slowness that was almost difficult to follow, he held out his hand to the redhead.

And in front of astonished servants, in front of flabbergasted members of his own clan, he covered the lips of his lieutenant with his own.

The warmth that enveloped him made him tremble, and it was out of the question for him to lose his lover once again.


End file.
